From Michael Hehman, MD

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Michael Hehman [mailto:mhehman@gmail.com]
> Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2005 8:34 PM
> To: Meagher, Evan F
> Cc: Shawn Harmon
> Subject: Re: oh, snap
>
> What's up suckers.
> Just wanted to take a break from my vow of silence to let you all know
> that you can cancel the amber alert and that I am just fine. Shawn,
> you might not get the amber alert reference, but that is because you
> are now Euro/UK trash.
>
> School has been great. It is a poop load of work, I don't know the
> BofA protocol on potty mouth in email, so i'll keep it clean. I'm
> proud to report that I aced out in every class last quarter, straight
> D'z nutz in cha mouf for the rest of my classmate foolio's. Other
> than that, Chicago is great...cold, but great. Michelle hates the
> weather. We had our first thunderstorm yesterday, a completely new
> phenomenon for her. She walked home from school right in the brunt of
> it and come home literally soaked. A puddle of water had formed
> inside of her closed bag. Nasty...she sends her love.
>
> A quick anecdote about my L ride home from school today. I take the L
> to school everyday. I start on the Red line. It's chock full of
> yuppies and rich old suits...very benign. Then I switch to the blue
> line chock full of homeless people and other gamy derelicts. Much
> more interesting stories come from the blue line, except today.
> On the L there are doors on both the right and left sides of the train
> because sometimes the platform is on the right and others the left.
> There is an "Emergency" door unlock latch above all doors...emergent
> only in that most people don't know that it is there except every
> homeless person and seasoned L patrons. Today, I am riding home from
> school and a well kept homeless dude gets on the train with two huge
> black garbage bags. Mumbling obscenities to himself he finds a seat.
> I am standing in the left door vestibule with a women in her
> mid-twenties and in the right door vestibule are two men, one a
> flaming ho-mosessual. We make a stop and the right door opens, people
> enter and exit, and a delightful chime and cheery voice let you know
> "the doors are closing". As soon as the door chime starts the
> homeless guy jumps from his seat with his bags. We all figure that he
> is going to dive out of the closing doors....oooo were we mistaken.
>
> He marches defiantly towards the woman and I and confidently pulls the
> emergency door open latch. Let me add in that there is NO PLATFORM on
> this side of the train, there is a solid cement wall about 10 inches
> from the opening doors which should have been an obvious deterrent,
> and all that awaited this man's exit was a 5 foot drop straight down
> between the cement wall and the body of the L car. The man opened the
> door and stepped out. He proceeded to fall a ss over tea kettle right
> out the door. His shoes flew off straight up into the air as did his
> plastic bags.
>
> What would a caring human do in this situation? Offer a hand? Call
> the conductor?
> What did Mike Hehman, MD do? Laughed his a ss off. I had the little
> kid in church laugh going where you try not to laugh but it only
> compounds the problem.
>
> Five seconds later a huge black garbage bag comes flying back through
> the open (broken) L door. Followed by another. It looked like the
> ghetto grinch that stole christmas throwing bags of who-presents up
> the chimneys of their little who-houses. A hat followed and then a
> shoe and all of a sudden the man himself performed a cirque du soleil
> jump kick off the wall and was on the floor a crumpled mess.
>
> Just gasoline to my hysterical laughter fire. At this point a choir
> of hysterical laughers were behind me.
>
> He proceeded to reassemble his bags of wares...what was in the bags
> you might ask? One bag was full of hand towels and the other, SOCKS.
> Which he then proceeded to try to sell to train passengers. The
> conductor came and kicked him off the train all the while he was
> pleading, "Just bare with me" and that was the end of the day for my
> new favorite L patron.
>
> Probably the funniest thing that I have ever seen, I am sure that it
> lost a lot of the comedic value in the translation to type, but I
> figured that I would send it along nonetheless.
>
> Hope all is well,
> Yo Rock